About growing up

Dear Family,

Many of you know that I am an adventurer at heart. I love exploring new places, meeting new people, experiencing life and in the process, discovering who I am. And yet, seeking new adventures often takes me away from home and from family.

Four years ago, my ambitious drive and independent nature sent me searching for something beyond the neighborhoods of Roy, Utah. I quickly became involved in a community at Linfield and submerged myself in my newfound independence. I found mentors and friends, and I slowly built a community for myself. I thrived in an environment of learning and exposure to new ways of thinking, living and being. All strikingly different and comfortably similar to my life in Utah.

I tried my best to update you about my classes, friends, work and life. It was hard, and sometimes I didn’t do a good job. Although I loved my life, I still missed home and all of you. During my last year at Linfield the question that weighed heavy on my mind was if I would I return to Utah after school.

My decision to stay in Oregon, at least for another year, depended a great deal on finding a job. Although I am still not sure what I want to do with my life, I do know this:

I want to be able to live in a city and experience a city life. I am tired and burned out from school. I want to take control of my life and have the ability to do what I want without worrying about homework, exams or papers. I want to read for pleasure again. To pursue hobbies and volunteer work. To continue educating myself on topics that I am interested in.

Last semester, I became interested in library science. All of you know my love for books, but I have always loved  libraries and being among that environment. Yet, I could list a million other things I would like to try or pursue. I don’t expect to have the same job, or even a job in the same industry, for the rest of my working life. I imagine I will try many things and learn a lot in the process. I can’t tell you that the library world is something I want to do for the rest of my working career, but I will never know unless I experience it. Which is why my job at Oregon Episcopal School is the right fit for me at this time in my life.

In the past four years, I struggled; I succeeded. I cried; I laughed. I made mistakes; I learned from them. I grew up.

It may seem like I have chosen one world over another. I haven’t. Nothing is ever that simple. But I think what keeps me following my heart – as stretched as it sometimes feels – is that I know, no matter where I go or what I do, I will always have a group of people supporting me and loving me, even if it is from a distance.

Thank you.

A Mass Letter–Stamped With Approval

Last Monday, I returned to McMinnville, Oregon after visiting my home in Roy, Utah. I haven’t been home since last Christmas, and it is always wonderful to spend quality time with family. Miniature golf. Coffee dates. Bike rides. Not to mention the amenities of a queen size bed, home-cooked meals and a full-stocked fridge.  I was even greeted with a welcome home treat: dried mangos –  my favorite. Yes, going home is quite the vacation resort.

I left for home at a time when I was experiencing several new changes in my life in Oregon. For the past month and half, I have been planning for my next step after college and Linfield. Before I flew home, I heard the best news a recent college-grad could hear: I was offered a job.

Spending time with family I heard many congratulations on school followed closely by the ultimate question: “So what’s next?” I quickly realized after volleying questions from my family that not many knew about my new job or my plans post-college. Many wanted to know when I had planned to move back home to Utah.

In my defense, it is hard to update more than thirty-plus people about life after Linfield. Yet keeping in contact with my family is fundamental to me and something I try to make a priority. Which made me realize that I needed to make a greater effort, and on a grander scale, to update my family on my plans. Of course, my first thought was to write them. But in all honesty, writing a letter to each and every member of my family about why, how what I am doing sounds more than just daunting – it sounds impossible.

Then I remembered I have this thing called a blog, and it has the capabilty to reach a infinite amount of people. So I decided that instead of penning around thirty letters with the same information, I would give myself a break and write ONE letter to ALL my family and post it here, in Letterbound. Also for those in my family, whom I know I told, but whose memory seems on the fringe, they can always re-read my blog to remember the information they need.

Basically, I am giving my stamp of approval to say that mass letter writing is okay. And that the Internet and blog sphere helped make it possible to update the people important to me about my life, my goals and my future without killing my hand.

The Rules to Letterwriting

I was talking with my youngest sister on the phone last Thursday, and she asked me, “Are there rules to writing letters?”

I told her I didn’t know. It was a question I had never really thought about, but it made me think: “Are there a set of rules to writing a letter? Possibly, unspoken. If so, what are they? And, what happens when we break them?”

I have never been fond of rules, albeit they may serve a purpose, because to each rule there are exceptions. I believe that rules are only meant to act as guidelines and instead of adhering to them, one should just strive to be a better person and to do well by others. Which, arguably, may be only another set of rules under different name.

So call it what you may – rules, guidelines, laws or a common understanding – these are my five rules to letter writing. Feel free to modify them.

Rule #1 Always Write Back (Or at least try to)

I have written many letters in my life in which I have not received a letter in return. For many reasons, I presume. The receiver didn’t have time, he or she doesn’t like writing, he or she has nothing to say, the letter was never received or all of the above. I’ve come to understand and accept that not every letter I write will be returned with as much ardor, or in some cases not at all; yet, I hope my letters are appreciated and welcomed. However, if you do decide to write letters, I think it’s important to always write back, or to let the person know that you received their letter and possibly, thank them. Even if it is through a phone call, email, face-to-face, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter or Skype. (I think I got them all.) I always appreciate when I hear through the grapevine or in person that someone received my letter, and it really made them smile.

Rule #2 Don’t let letters say what you should say in person

I think sometimes I get into this habit of relying on letters, and writing, to say what I need to say to someone when sometimes I should be telling them in person. I think letters are a great way to make a relationship or friendship stronger and even more meaningful, but I don’t think they should be used as an excuse or an alternative to a necessary conversation. I have been in the position where I have something on my mind and I want and need to share it with a said someone, although doing so makes me vulnerable and/or makes me acknowledge that I am human. As I have said before, letters offer a great way to start a conversation, but they shouldn’t stand in for an end to a conversation.

Rule #3 Be Honest and Be You

Just like when you are talking with someone over the phone or in person, you notice when someone is not being him or herself. If you’re writing a letter, be true to who you are. Everyone has a voice and everyone’s voice is different. It can be easy to get caught up in the romanticism of letter writing or to try out a new kind of voice or personality. Maybe, you want to be witty, so you add a lot of jokes in your letter. But the best letters are always the ones that, when I read them, I hear the person’s voice in my ear, as if they are standing right next to me, instead of  being 800 miles away, and telling me a story about their day. I love letters that are honest portraits of someone’s life.

Rule #4 Letters are not meant to be grammatically correct

I may have just invented this rule to appease my own follies when it comes to writing letters. (But these are my set of rules, so that is allowed.) Having earned two degrees in written communication, I shouldn’t promote bad grammar, but at the same time, I know that if I was so wrapped up in making sure every comma was in place, then most letters I wrote would never make it to the mailbox, which would be the real tragedy.

Rule #5 Letters don’t have to be “deep”

I think sometimes people get intimated to write letters because they worry over what to say, or they worry that what they do say isn’t insightful, brilliant or funny. Letters are not like essays. They don’t have to have a thesis statement. Or point A, point B or point C. Transition sentences sometimes help, and often, letters do end up with some kind of conclusion. Letters are not meant to win a Nobel Peace Prize in Literature. Nor solve the United States’ financial debt problem. My point is don’t worry about what you’re writing about, just write. So what if you start out talking about a woman who asked you to blow into her daughter’s ignition interlock system – a sophisticated device that tests for alcohol on a driver’s breath before allowing an offending DUI driver to start his or her car – and then, you end up talking about the new ice cream flavor at Coldstone. (Which is watermelon by the way and a true story that happened to me two weeks ago.) All I am saying is don’t be nervous about not having a “Wow” factor in your letter. The best letters are from the heart, spontaneous and just a quick note saying, “Hello, remember me? Because I remember you, and I wanted to tell you so.”

So there you have it: my five rules to writing letters. I realize that I didn’t go into any detail about what happens when you break the rules. But maybe that isn’t as important as I thought. Learn from trial and error, I guess.

A Graduation Letter from A Fellow Graduate (and sister)

8 June 2011

Dear Gabriel,

You may be wondering why it has taken me so long to write you this letter of congratulations. But first and foremost, I do wish to express my deep felt congratulations for your accomplishments. Part of the reason, it has taken me longer to write to you is because I myself have been going through the process of  graduation. It is quite the whirlwind. I don’t know about you, but it seems a little surreal. Naturally. And quite frankly, Gabe you must know me well enough to know by now that when it comes to birthdays, graduation and other special events, I like to say something “deep and profound.” So here is what I can offer you:

EMBRACE CHANGE   There will be so many new and different things happening to you and around you in the next stage of your life. Welcome them. In the four years since I graduated high school, I have become an entirely, not new, but better person. All because of experiences and people I have encountered along the way. It’s amazing the growth you can experience by accepting change in your life. I challenge you, Gabe, to become the man you wish to be.

LET OTHERS IN   Don’t be scared to call on other for help, Gabe. Life and college are going to throw challenges at you, and some will be too big to fight on your own. When you find people you can trust and accept you for all your flaws, keep them close and treat them well. I struggle and struggle with allowing myself to let people in and letting myself be vulnerable to the point that I might get hurt. But I know Gabe, I know, that relationships, be it with family, friends, God, or a significant other, are what give life meaning and worth. Mom says humans are not made to go about living alone. We need people to make us whole and to help us find our purpose.

REFLECT AND APPRECIATE   It is easy to go about living without thinking about your actions or the actions encountered from others. Take the time to reflect on experiences and moments in your life because in doing so you’ll learn leaps and bounds about yourself and others. Some things may surprise you. But also know that in reflecting on life’s lessons, you will grow to appreciate all its beauties and tribulations. You’ll come to appreciate and value the home you grew up in and the family you are a part of.

Gabriel — You have so many talents. Share them with the world. I look forward to watching you grow in the next four years. If ever you should need me, I’m here.

All my love and support,

Your sister

A hip-hop spin on letter writing (finally)

 

“Letter to My Daughter” by George Bishop

I just finished a book called, “Letter to My Daughter,” by George Bishop. Looking for something to read, it caught my attention at the McMinnville Public Library because I always thought it would be neat to write a letter that offers advice to someone who is about to undergone or is undergoing  a similar experience.

“Letter to My Daughter” is about a mother whose fifteen-year-old daughter just ran away from home after a fight. She begins:

“So what I have decided to do is that while I’m sitting here waiting for you to return, I’ll write down in a letter everything I’ve always meant to tell you but never have. Maybe a letter is a poor substitute for the talk I always wanted us to have. But it’s a start at least…”

It fascinates me to learn more about relationships between a mother and a daughter, an aunt and a niece and a grandmother and a granddaughter. I have also been thinking about what it means to be a woman, and what’s more, what it means to be a women in our society. Those are difficult questions to ask. And I imagine every woman has a different response. But I also think that there has to be some underlying connections that ALL women embrace. Bishops’ book touches on some of those themes and truths present in a young girl’s life.

At one point in the novel, the mother becomes more pessimistic about the practicality of writing letters, which I found interesting. She states:

“Letters that, in spite of all their sweet words, had an air of make-believe precisely because they were only words on paper. They were abstractions, barely real. If a letter got lost in the mail, the world inside its envelope might as well have never existed. Or if you left a letter in the rain, the ink would blur and wash right off, carrying with it any evidence of the reality the words had ever represented.”

I suppose that Bishop does have a point. Some letters are filled with sweet sentiments and trite sayings. The act of writing letters is romantic and has the air of pretense. And yes, the postal system also can prove to have its faults and potholes.

But at the same time, I would argue that letters in all their cliches and possible mishaps still manage to make an impact on someone’s day and life. Also, just think of all the books that are printed that consist of  a individual’s personal collection of letters. In my opinion, what better way to know and understand a person than to read his or her writings to the people that were part of their lives?

I think contrary to the above passage, and Bishop ends the book on this same sentiment, letters do matter and are sustainable, even treasured. And letters have the power to begin conversations, like that between a mother and a daughter.

A Message From My Father

“If there was something I could say, as a father, it would be this: Take the time to find love. It doesn’t come easy and sometimes it hurts, but I still find it quite amazing. I am so blessed to have your mom.”

– Frank Funtanilla May 27, 2011

This is a passage from a letter my father wrote to me for my college graduation. My father is not one to always give advice, but when he does offer a word or two, it often makes a bigger impact on me than even he may realize.

For a little background, my parents celebrated their 25th anniversary on May 31st. A deep felt congratulations to them both. I can say, and I think my parents can attest to this, that their marriage, like many couples, has not been smooth sailing. I know they both work hard, everyday of the year, to maintain the relationship and love they have for one another and for me and my siblings. My mom once told me: “It is easy to be married. But it is very hard to be happily married.”

The reason I decided to share this passage on Letterbound is because not only does it comes from a letter written to me, but my father’s message also carries weight. It gives others hope about love, which has become so convoluted in our society. And it gives me courage to embrace vulnerability that goes hand in hand in learning to love someone.

Sometimes I find that my father tells me things that often end up being the one thing I don’t want but need to hear. Parents, I understand, have a way of doing that.

An Apology in A Letter

In the past couple months, I have been thinking about apologies and wondering what an apology really means. Why do people apologize? What is gained from an apology?  And most importantly, what does an apology have to do with letters?

Why do people apologize?

I was raised by parents who taught me that if I did something wrong or wronged someone, then I should apologize, and I should mean it. It has become part of who I am to say, “I’m sorry,” when I recognize that I have done something wrong.

But a  recent conversation caused me to reflect on reasons why we apologize. Do we apologize to make ourselves feel better about ourselves? If the answer is yes, then an apology becomes, so it seems to me, a selfish act. The reason we apologize is to alleviate our own conscience, not to assuage the other person’s feelings. Personal experience tells me that I do feel better about myself after apologizing, better than I would if I did not apologize.

What is gained in an apology?

Although, with some hesitancy, I can agree with an apology as a selfish act, I cannot accept that is the only reason why people apologize. Arguably, something deeper is gained in apology. I admire individuals who have the courage to acknowledge that they have done something wrong and then the integrity to make amends for their actions. It is not easy; often times, it is quite hard. Saying you’re sorry means pointing out that you made a mistake.

Perhaps, more can be said about the person who accepts an apology. I believe that an apology cannot be an entirely selfish act because an apology only has worth if it is accepted. Therefore, if an apology is not accepted by the person being apologized to, then it falls moot. I think, at times, it takes an equally courageous person to acknowledge that they were vulnerable enough to get hurt.

But if an apology is given and then accepted, then I believe a new level of intimacy can be reached because apologizing means admitting your flaws and then having someone accept you for your flaws.

What does a letter have to do with apologies?

Nothing can replace a conversation or apology face to face, except, maybe, it seems a letter. I also think there is a marginal number of individuals who can easily acknowledge their flaws and mistakes face-to- face. I have also learned that people communicate in multiple ways. Some people communicate better verbally; some communicate better through written communication. I land in the second boat.

I find myself leaning toward apologizing in a letter, at least initially, simply because I know I take time and attention to writing what I want to say in the exact way I wish to say it. But I also try to communicate face-to-face and verbally to  express my apology. More importantly, I know that letters are inherently sincere, simply because of the time and effort it takes to pen them.

As stated, apologies are difficult. But they are equally important. I think not only are we asking people to forgive us for our mistakes, but we are also asking them to empathize with us for being human. And maybe letters can offer a way to start the process of saying, “I’m sorry.”

A Letter is Better

The initiative taken by elementary schools in support of letter writing gives me hope that others out there find letters important.

Read the article below for inspiration!

http://augustafreepress.com/2011/02/28/a-letter-is-better/

My dear friend from Ireland who is now studying for a year  in Richmond, Virginia, sent me this poem that fits this blog so well.

Cheers Roseanne!

While there is mail there is hope.

After we hung up I can’t recall

Your words, and your voice sounds strange

Whether from a distance, a bad cold, decit

I don’t know. When you call I’m asleep

Or bathing or my mouth is full of toast.

I can’t think of what to say.

“We have rain?” We have snow?”

Let us write instead: surely our fingers spread out

With pen and paper touch more of mind’s flesh

Than the sound waves moving from throat to lips

To phone, through wire, to one’s ear.

I can touch the paper you touch.

I can see you undressed in your calligraphy.

I can read you over and over.

I can read you day after day.

I can wait at the mailbox with my hair combed,

in my best suit.

I hang up. What did you say?

What did I say? Your phone call is gone.

I hold the envelope you addressed in my hand.

I hold the skin that covers you.

– Robert Watson